Saturday, September 17, 2016

Fear of Contact: Transforming Denial

I received the following email today. I have made only minor edits because I feel the writer's intense conscience needed to be conveyed to the readers:

It wasn’t until quite recently that I realized my odd hallucinations and “awake nightmares” which had caused me to believe that I am either insane or possessed by some sort of demon although I did not believe in demons. At 12 years old I confided in a psychiatrist about a single event and it was determined I suffer from Hypnagogia. The psychiatrist noted that I had a vivid hallucination and I was admitted to hospital. Since then I have not shared my experiences and never found out what they were — until quite recently I stumbled upon a UFO and strange events website. There were others with the same experience I had!! The relief, the Eureka moment, and I have suffered from great fear, insomnia, and the suspicion that I was quite insane deep down inside.

Whew...OK, just talking about this upsets me but there are others here with much more descriptive events. Why aren’t these on the news??? Why isn’t this accepted in Western society??? It’s baffling!! This denial of spirit/alien? beings has ruined my life, and for some of my adult life was involved in drugs, in and out of mental hospitals. I am very sad that I did not have the opportunity to discover others' experiences earlier. Yes, even in this day and age of internet, etc. I never, never put two and two together until recently! I would laugh at ANY one with belief in these things. How could I have not seen what it really was? Denial.

When I was very young, I must have been around 5 or 6 I was sleeping at the edge of the bed that my elder sister and I shared. Everyone was asleep except (I think) my father was in living room watching TV. I woke up in middle of night for no reason but normal for a child? A “visitor” suddenly appeared in my bedroom doorway, he was leaning against the frame just staring at me. He was nothing but a deep black cut out shape of a man that was completely motionless. I told myself it’s an illusion and shut my eyes tight and held my breath (so the man couldn’t see me) but, even with my eyes closed I could still SEE him quite evidently (how??). He gave me the impression that he found it humorous that I was trying to “hide” and I really could feel his eyes. I lie there wishing someone in the household would wake up and make this “man” go away. I held my breath as long as I could...I was so terrified, I thought I would die of fright. Can you imagine being this afraid? I remember trying to damper my heartbeat, because he could “hear” it. It was beating so hard I think I could see the beats coming up through the blankets. I must have either passed out from holding my breath or from fright. I never told anyone (that I know of or can remember, that is...)

The next time, I was lying on my grandmother's guest bed while I was over for visit. I was 11 or 12 yrs old. I was just lying there thinking...not sleepy nor wanting to sleep. Suddenly I heard a sound getting louder and louder. It sounded like thousands of “electric bees”. It made my head “vibrate”. The “bees” sound slowly formed itself into words. It reminds me of trying to find an AM radio station and just tuning in to clarity. The “sound” (I will try to explain it best I can, it defies what I know of physics so far) “took” me up in the air a la Scrooge being led by ghost of Xmas past! I was “flown” over what I think to be the 1940s. I could hear the “bees” chanting louder and louder! Up to a crescendo that inferred something like “we are legions”. The “vision” I saw was Hitler, and he had not thousands of followers but millions! I was shown colors red, white, and black. They have some significance that the “electric bees” wanted me to note. I was “brought back” and found myself wide awake back on the bed and thinking to myself “hmm, wow, this must be what insane people feel when they hallucinate. This is very strange and I must seek professional help” but somehow even at my youth I did not believe the good doctor's explanation.

Fast forward to adult married life. I warned my new husband “be careful, since we now share bed I must confide in you that I suffer from extreme night terrors where I get “monsters” bothering me and you must wake me when I call for you in my sleep.” Yes...this refrain common when I share bed with anyone. Sometimes I can manage to get out a muffled “hellllp meeee...wake me up...monsters..”

The “nightmares” always start with a weird noise, like the sound you imagine you feel if you are being electrocuted (the best I can describe it). There have been several instances the past year where my mate “rescued” me. These “monsters” all come armed with nightmares with a common theme/message. One of my nightmares a soothing and calm man tried to explain the symbols in the dream, he even pointed and made some verbalization that I could not make out. It is as if “they” were doing their very best trying to convince me of something but that I cannot speak their language. In this vision, I was witness to a major “Battlestar Galactica” scene and many planets, namely Saturn, etc. and Earth were involved in a stellar battle...there was cannibalism, blood, guts, horror!! Absolute horror (The more I tell these stories the more descriptive they get, as I now am able to make out more details now that I am not trying to stuff the memories deep inside any more). I totally understand the messages now but I cannot explain them, not because it is impossible, but that you will find it trite and probably won’t believe it. Even if you believe my experiences, which in fact did happen, I am constantly in fear of the chance I may see the monsters again. I understand NOW that the monsters were not trying to harass me but instead helping me with important messages. I will say that “they” are supposed to instill great fear into people but they do not do it out of cruelty, but do so that you will respect and see them in awe.

After praying (I come from a very scientific and logical minded upbringing so this praying thing is all new to me) I was given “hints” by the former “monsters” (they are now what I think are friends, but I am still horrified at the idea of seeing one again!) to look around every day for more clues. A clue may present itself in a playlist on a station that you just tuned to (song titles) or in other coincidences. I prayed..."well if you can tell me these things in this way, why not show Mankind the clues in more obvious ways!" “They” said that they do, but we don’t believe it, and also it has to be this way, because we are given FREE WILL and that “they” already HAVE robots that do and think what they want! “They” are angry and sad that we human beings on Earth don’t appreciate “it” and always take credit for “their” things and that “it” is a special gift that we shouldn’t take for granted.

I feel I have said “too much” and these “monsters” tell me in hints help me in minor and major things. But my problem is that I don’t have enough faith in “them”. You can make what you want out of this and if you think I am a complete nut that is OK, I guess, but I wish more people would talk about these things. I wish more people would go to the news with their experiences, some of them so incredible, I can’t believe that these things aren’t more accepted! It is so sad.

Thanks for reading...K

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